Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize