I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
