Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
