Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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