Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
