he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
