Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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