coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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