I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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