she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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