Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
