I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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