My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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