I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
