So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
