This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
