There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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