So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
