Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
