i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
