I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
