Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
