i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
