I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
