Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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