i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Bring me that man meat
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
