I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
