the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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