My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
