oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
