didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
