just come out here and I will go home with you...
He kissed a someone with a penis
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
