She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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