I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
