can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
