So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
