My liver just broke up with me...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
