i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
