If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
