i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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