Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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