operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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