I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
