just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
