I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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