Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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