walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
