Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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