she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
