She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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