Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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