i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
