She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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