Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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