I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's rum buckets o'clock
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
