The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
