too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You pole danced in your parka.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
