That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize