Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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