One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
