How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
