my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm gonna fight the coyote
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
