Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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