im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
