im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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