I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
