I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
