While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
